Are You Broken or Blessed?
"I'm soooo tired."
"Please don't look at this nasty house."
"I've cried four times today."
"My God! Will I ever sleep again?!"
These are all just a few of the things that I've repeated day in and day out recently.
Not to mention the morning I walked into the prom dress store that was properly staffed with cute high school and college age girls with - you ready for this - milk stains... on my blouse. That's right - milk stains - on my blouse, while picking up my daughter's prom dress. There's really not enough words to describe the horror. Seriously.
Not to mention the morning I walked into the prom dress store that was properly staffed with cute high school and college age girls with - you ready for this - milk stains... on my blouse. That's right - milk stains - on my blouse, while picking up my daughter's prom dress. There's really not enough words to describe the horror. Seriously.
I'm in a new season of Motherhood and can I just be real for a second? Can I not be "Insta Mom" with the perfectly clean house and the perfectly filtered pictures of all my perfectly bathed kids sitting pretty and smiling and tell you real quick how I'm really doing?
I'm four weeks post childbirth and I'm sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted. Postpartum depression sneaks up on me here and there and I've all but told my husband to sleep on the porch several times already and grinned while doing so deep in my heart. I'm straight driving down struggle street, y'all.
Or should I say, Satan is alive and well?
This is one of the hardest seasons of my life. I'm 36 and it doesn't take much to make a woman my age tired, especially when she isn't in great shape. Heck, I'm not even in good shape. So, tired is the biggest understatement ever.
But while I was sulking and whining about this new season I'm in, I was reminded of something that God showed me recently and I feel like it's too good not to share.
I was reminded of a man of very few words. A faithful disciple of Jesus' who was only quoted three times in the Bible. I call him "The Silent Disciple". His name is Andrew.
There's a story about Jesus feeding a multitude of people with only 5 loaves and 2 fish. If you were in church any amount of time as a child, I'm sure you heard the story. If not, I'll give you a quick synopsis.
The story is told from four different accounts in the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, but we are going to head over to John, chapter 6 to recount.
We find Jesus speaking to a large crowd of people and the disciples realize it's getting late in the day and they tell Jesus to send the people away to eat. But, Jesus had a different idea and asked this question, "Where shall we buy bread for them to eat?"
The disciples were shocked by this and began to question how that would be possible. I feel as if they may have been complaining even, when they responded with:
"It would take more than a half year's wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!"
Let's park here for a moment and try to understand their perspective.
They've left everything behind to follow Jesus. Their families, their jobs, their wealth. They've been traveling with him and are most likely very tired. Before this story takes place, if we jump over to Mark 6:31, we learn that just before they fed the 5,000, there were so many people coming and going that they didn't have time to eat or rest themselves, so Jesus instructs them to go with him by themselves so they can eat and rest.
Yet now, Jesus is asking them to feed a multitude of people without the ability to do so?
Does that sound familiar to you, at all?
Do you ever feel like God has asked you to do something and you have zero idea how to do it? Or where to even begin? And little-to-no resources?
In this season of my life, He's blessed me with a beautiful baby boy, which was a very big surprise and not a part of my plan, and I'm over here screaming "Sweet Jesus! I know you mean well, but are you sure? I'm not capable of this. I'm too old and too tired and I have a daughter graduating high school this year. Are you sure I'm cut out for this? And how in this world will we afford daycare?"
Then, the silent disciple walks onto the scene.
"Here's a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
One disciple screams that they are broke, the other screams that they are blessed.
Andrew was quoted three times in scripture, that I can find. Once when he informed is brother, Simon Peter, that they'd found the Messiah (John 1:41) and set out to follow him, once when he was asking Jesus about the future (Mark 13:4) and again here in this story. Other than that, there's isn't much about Andrew. And even still, we have so very much to learn from him.
He isn't mentioned complaining here at all. Or ever. He isn't discouraged by this giant thing Jesus is setting out to do. His eyes search until he sees an opportunity for God to be glorified.
Then, he speaks.
"Here's a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
He may end this statement with a question of how Jesus will do it, but He never doubted for a second. He looked for anything available that Jesus could use and when he found it, he turned their gaze to the thing that delivered hope.
He offered a small solution to a very large problem and laid it in Jesus' hands.
Jesus knew the future when he asked the question, "Where shall we buy bread for them to eat."
He knew they wouldn't be buying any bread. I think he just wanted to see who really believed that he was able.
Just like He knew that I would be exhausted and confused and worried about having a newborn.
But am I hungry enough to see what he's truly given me? To really see the opportunities laid out in front of me in this season?
Will I claim to be broken or blessed?
I'm sitting in a quiet house and have been blessed with 12 weeks of maternity leave, of which I still have 8 left. I get to spend so much time with my kids now who are in school and I missed tremendously while I was working full time. I've also been blessed with another little boy who loves to be cuddled. And I have time now. Time to cuddle, time to write, time to plan ministry events, and time to be the Mom that I've yearned to be for so long. Just like the fish and bread, God took what time I had and multiplied it tremendously.
So as I sit here typing, there may be a fussy baby in the background, and a mess all over the house, and I may or may not have taken my son to school this morning in pajamas that don't match and my hair all messy in lopsided bun, I am blessed beyond measure and I am choosing to be Andrew today.
I vow to only shine a light on God's goodness and blessings. To only bring attention to possible solutions when Satan screams that a thing is impossible.
Because I know that with God, ALL things are possible.
What claim will you make today over your situation? Will you be broken? Or will you be blessed?
Give Him what little you have, and watch Him multiply it. I dare you.
We find Jesus speaking to a large crowd of people and the disciples realize it's getting late in the day and they tell Jesus to send the people away to eat. But, Jesus had a different idea and asked this question, "Where shall we buy bread for them to eat?"
The disciples were shocked by this and began to question how that would be possible. I feel as if they may have been complaining even, when they responded with:
"It would take more than a half year's wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!"
Let's park here for a moment and try to understand their perspective.
They've left everything behind to follow Jesus. Their families, their jobs, their wealth. They've been traveling with him and are most likely very tired. Before this story takes place, if we jump over to Mark 6:31, we learn that just before they fed the 5,000, there were so many people coming and going that they didn't have time to eat or rest themselves, so Jesus instructs them to go with him by themselves so they can eat and rest.
Yet now, Jesus is asking them to feed a multitude of people without the ability to do so?
Does that sound familiar to you, at all?
Do you ever feel like God has asked you to do something and you have zero idea how to do it? Or where to even begin? And little-to-no resources?
In this season of my life, He's blessed me with a beautiful baby boy, which was a very big surprise and not a part of my plan, and I'm over here screaming "Sweet Jesus! I know you mean well, but are you sure? I'm not capable of this. I'm too old and too tired and I have a daughter graduating high school this year. Are you sure I'm cut out for this? And how in this world will we afford daycare?"
Then, the silent disciple walks onto the scene.
"Here's a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
One disciple screams that they are broke, the other screams that they are blessed.
Andrew was quoted three times in scripture, that I can find. Once when he informed is brother, Simon Peter, that they'd found the Messiah (John 1:41) and set out to follow him, once when he was asking Jesus about the future (Mark 13:4) and again here in this story. Other than that, there's isn't much about Andrew. And even still, we have so very much to learn from him.
He isn't mentioned complaining here at all. Or ever. He isn't discouraged by this giant thing Jesus is setting out to do. His eyes search until he sees an opportunity for God to be glorified.
Then, he speaks.
"Here's a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
He may end this statement with a question of how Jesus will do it, but He never doubted for a second. He looked for anything available that Jesus could use and when he found it, he turned their gaze to the thing that delivered hope.
He offered a small solution to a very large problem and laid it in Jesus' hands.
Jesus knew the future when he asked the question, "Where shall we buy bread for them to eat."
He knew they wouldn't be buying any bread. I think he just wanted to see who really believed that he was able.
Just like He knew that I would be exhausted and confused and worried about having a newborn.
But am I hungry enough to see what he's truly given me? To really see the opportunities laid out in front of me in this season?
Will I claim to be broken or blessed?
I'm sitting in a quiet house and have been blessed with 12 weeks of maternity leave, of which I still have 8 left. I get to spend so much time with my kids now who are in school and I missed tremendously while I was working full time. I've also been blessed with another little boy who loves to be cuddled. And I have time now. Time to cuddle, time to write, time to plan ministry events, and time to be the Mom that I've yearned to be for so long. Just like the fish and bread, God took what time I had and multiplied it tremendously.
So as I sit here typing, there may be a fussy baby in the background, and a mess all over the house, and I may or may not have taken my son to school this morning in pajamas that don't match and my hair all messy in lopsided bun, I am blessed beyond measure and I am choosing to be Andrew today.
I vow to only shine a light on God's goodness and blessings. To only bring attention to possible solutions when Satan screams that a thing is impossible.
Because I know that with God, ALL things are possible.
What claim will you make today over your situation? Will you be broken? Or will you be blessed?
Give Him what little you have, and watch Him multiply it. I dare you.
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