Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I'm Sorry I Was So Bad Today

Stop it, Brayden.

Stop hitting your sister, Brayden.

Get out of her personal space, Brayden.

Get out of MY personal space, Brayden.

If I hear one more bottle flip, Brayden......

For the love of all things holy, BRAYDEN....

All within the first 20 minutes of being home today.  After having the worst. day. ever.

Then against my better judgment, we pile in the car and attempt a trip to the grocery store.  Whilst at said grocery store, my purse breaks and there's only one register open and there's a million and one things that Brayden absolutely must have while we are standing in the line 5 grocery carts deep.

Calgon, why must you fail me now?

We finally arrive home and I put the groceries away and the frozen pizzas in the oven (don't judge me)...(actually judge me, I am in the perfect mood to simply not care) and finally, I sat down to breathe, to pray, and to try to savage an ounce of sanity. And that's when he walks up to me and wraps his eight year old little arm around mine, lays his bleach blonde head on my shoulder and says:

"I'm sorry I was so bad today."

Exhale, Brandy.

I could instantly feel the tension releasing and my body soften. I could physically feel my frustration dissipate. And nothing he'd done in the hours before even mattered anymore. I assured him that everything was okay and he bounced off, ready to eat his delicious meal that I slaved over.  ;)

I sat there repeating those words in my head and in my heart and I knew I had something I needed to say to my Savior.

Lord, I'm sorry I made bad choices today. I'm sorry I grumbled and complained. I'm sorry I lashed out at that friend that you blessed me with. I'm sorry I lost my patience with my kids. 

Lord, I'm sorry I was so bad today.

And I knew right then that nothing I'd done leading up to that moment mattered.  Because if I can love my son enough to let a simple apology filled with genuine repentance completely change my negative mood to a joyful heart, I can only imagine what my repentance does for my Savior.

And then I can bounce off to do the next thing that is in front of me and not carry the weight of my sin and shame. It's too heavy to carry all night long. And it's definitely too heavy to carry for a lifetime.  And Christ knew that.  Which is why He carried our sin and our shame for us on the cross.

Ladies, and gentlemen if there are any reading, we don't have to carry the weight of it all. We don't have to walk in shame. We don't have to feel hopeless because of choices we've made that made us forget to exhale. Our Savior tell us to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest.  (Matthew 11:28)

But coming to Him means that we lay it at His feet and we genuinely repent. Then we accept redemption and forgiveness. Then, we lay our head on His shoulder and rest.

Matthew 28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”