The Silent Mommy

This morning I opened our last pack of baby wipes that were given to us as a gift while were pregnant.

Our little baby is a little over 9 months old and man, things have changed in our home in big ways!

For a moment, I let myself go back to where we were then as a family but I have to be honest, I didn’t like revisiting it because it hurt a little.

We were surrounded by people, friends and family, who were so excited to see what Little Lincoln would be at our gender reveal. Our house isn’t that big but it was packed full of love.

Our shower was wonderful, each one, and we had three. Two were surprise showers thrown for us. We had family come that we hadn’t seen in months and we had friends show up that we hadn’t seen in years. 

Then, the baby came, and all of that dissipated. 

I’ve lost friends that were there during that time. I’ve grown distant from friends that were there. And lonely is a regular feeling in my life now.

With each child I’ve had, I’ve suffered with postpartum depression but with Lincoln it has been worse than any of them. I’m not sure why.  Maybe my age and busy lifestyle with having four older kids plays a part. Maybe the surprise of the pregnancy as a whole plays a part. I’m not sure. 

But what I am sure of is that life is hard for new mommies and I think that gets dismissed far too often. 

I feel like so much pressure is put on new mommies to “show up” like they did before. I’ve heard things like “I know how you feel, I’ve had kids too” to “the best thing you can do is just get up and go”. And none of that is helpful. 

What you’re telling me is that you did a better job than me as a mother to a new baby, or that you’re downplaying my pain and circumstances because, to you, my current state of mind isn’t justified. 

The truth is that you haven’t experienced it so you don’t understand therefore you make unfair judgment calls that hurt everyone.

Look, I’m still me. I may be silent in this season because I’m adjusting to all of the new responsibilities that comes with being a full time Mom to now five kids, but also a full time employee and a wife, but that doesn’t change who I am.

I’m still me. I may be silent because my emotions are all out of whack but that doesn’t mean that I love my friends or family any less. It just means I’m learning how to love a new baby. I still love and want to be loved.

I’m still me. I may be silent because I’m overworked and exhausted and barely have time to do laundry so my time off is spent trying to stay on top of housework, but that doesn’t change that I need support from outside the home. 

I need to not feel judged because I didn’t show up. 

I need to be loved and prayed for because I couldn’t show up. 

This business of having a baby is one of the most difficult things a woman will ever do. Ever. Yet, we pull away and make assumptions about new Moms because we don’t understand things.

Cut her some slack. Cut me some slack.

And when we become silent, reach out. 

Your pointer finger is dangerous. Especially when it comes to someone suffering with depression. 

Empathy goes a very, very long way. So does a phone call or a text that simply says I love you. 

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.